1, 2a, 2b, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9

10, 11, 12, 13, 14a, 14b, 15, 16, 17

Poem 10:  Litter-bearers

Varus me meus ad suos amores

uisum duxerat e foro otiosum,

scortillum, ut mihi tum repente uisum est,

non sane illepidum neque inuenustum.

huc ut uenimus, incidere nobis

sermones uarii, in quibus, quid esset

iam Bithynia, quo modo se haberet,

et quonam mihi profuisset aere.

respondi id quod erat, nihil neque ipsis

nec praetoribus esse nec cohorti,

cur quisquam caput unctius referret,

praesertim quibus esset irrumator

praetor, nec faceret pili cohortem.

'at certe tamen,' inquiunt 'quod illic

natum dicitur esse, comparasti

ad lecticam homines.' ego, ut puellae

unum me facerem beatiorem,

'non' inquam 'mihi tam fuit maligne

ut, prouincia quod mala incidisset,

non possem octo homines parare rectos.'

at mi nullus erat nec hic neque illic

fractum qui ueteris pedem grabati

in collo sibi collocare posset.

hic illa, ut decuit cinaediorem,

'quaeso' inquit 'mihi, mi Catulle, paulum

istos commoda: nam uolo ad Serapim

deferri.' 'mane' inquii puellae,

'istud quod modo dixeram me habere,

fugit me ratio: meus sodalis

Cinna est Gaius – is sibi parauit.

uerum, utrum illius an mei, quid ad me?

utor tam bene quam mihi pararim.

sed tu insulsa male et molesta uiuis,

per quam non licet esse neglegentem.'

At ease in the forum, my Varus

led me away to see his love –

‘little whore,’ at first glance she seemed,

though not uncharming nor unlovely.

Once we were there, various chat                                   5

arose, such as – what was Bithynia

like now? How was it getting on?

How much brass had it made for me?

I told it like it was: no way

could anyone – natives, governors                                 10

or staff – bring back an oilier head,

especially when the governor was a

face-fucker, nor gave a hair for his staff!

‘Yes, but surely,’ they said, ‘you acquired

that which is said to be native there –                            15

litter-bearers!’ To impress the girl

that I alone was more fortunate,

I said, ‘I wasn’t so badly off,

because the province turned out bad,

that I couldn’t afford eight strapping men.’                     20

(In fact, I didn’t have one there

or here who could nestle on his neck

the broken foot of an antique cot!)

Then she, as suits a butt-slut, said,

‘Please lend me them, Catullus mine,                           25

for a bit, for I wish to be brought

to Serapis.’ ‘Wait,’ I said to the girl.

‘That which I said just now that I have,

all reason escapes me: Cinna, Gaius

that is, my comrade, he acquired them!                        30

Well, his or mine, what’s it to me? –

I use them just as if I bought them.

But you’re so silly and annoying:

no-one’s allowed to make a mistake!’

Notes
A novel self-deprecatory conversation piece. Varus is probably Quintilius Varus, who was a friend of both Horace and Virgil. The governor (praetor) of Bithynia was Memmius, whom Catullus served under in 57-56 BC, not as a soldier, more as a freelance ‘civil servant’ looking for some easy pickings.

Serapis was an Egyptian deity popular in Rome as a source of healing. Perhaps Catullus is gently implying Varus’ girlfriend had venereal disease as the verb used in line 2 for ‘to see’ – visere – is often used for visiting the sick. Gaius Helvius Cinna was a Neoteric poet and friend, who seems to have been in Bithynia with Catullus.

The Latin metre is hendecasyllables; the English metre is iambic tetrameters.